dissonance

In Dissonance, I am delving into the emotionally intimate space that I’ve lived in for so long where both these negative and positive beacons of connection exist as one unit. The stuffed wolf plushie that I’ve had since adolescence makes me think of the fond, warm memory of my mother gifting it to me, yet at the same time, I’m reminded of my bratty nagging that begged her to get it for me in the first place when we didn’t have the money for it to begin with. Both of these memories exist together as one within the small body of the soft yet haunting plushie, yet I still keep it despite the negativity attached to it.

 

Along with capturing moments like these, I am aiming to share my findings for reasons I have yet to discover, along with reasons I am already aware of. I already know the dysfunction that exists within my family, yet I want to know more about where it started, how much it has truly affected each of us, and if anything can be done to stop it. If whether these answers lie within each individual, my family as a whole, or if there aren’t any answers at all. All I know is that I feel an intuitive drive to discover these answers, with the hope that these answers do exist, and that the dysfunction can finally stop. But even so, as I search for answers, analyze my past, and explore the coexistence of these positive and negative experiences, I find that my discoveries and inquiries support my choice to remain connected to my family, as I am jointly suspended between moments of uplifting love and weighted negligence.